Dumber Than Pirates

The super sad truth about modern society

So here’s something that’s been on my mind for a little while, why is it that you never hear of the cowboys having food allergies? Or anybody in not-so-recent history for that matter? On the other hand, why did the pirates start dying of some mystery sickness (scurvy) only to discover that limes kept them safe? Did the limes hold back the wrath of the Gods? Or were the pirates just a lot smarter than us?

The unfortunate answer to the last question is: Yes. The pirates were a heck of a lot smarter than us. Why? What would you do if you got sick? You would visit your doctor and take the fourty pills he gave you. Unlike us, the pirates realized that when they got sick it’s because something was missing from their diet, so they supplemented it with whatever they could. We, on the other hand, are deficient in everything we can possibly be defficient in except for salt, sugar and fats.

All we eat is proccessed foods and chemicals, never anything that is actually good for us. When you think about it, it’s really obvious why there were never food allergies in the past. People haven’t always eaten balanced diets, so to say, but they have always eaten natural foods. Mac and cheese, sadly, is not a natural food.

Food allergies are a relatively new thing in the world, and it’s undoubtedly caused by the highly processed food we eat today. On top of that, recent studies have shown that an over abundance of the SP2 protein in your body tends to turn stem cells into cancer cells. That’s right, Cancer. Interesting? wait for it, Sp2 (or any isoform, for that matter) will never be found in too high of doses in natural foods, only in proccessed, chemically packed foods. Moral of the story: eat natural, whole foods, be much less likely to die of cancer.

Although it sounds crazy, studies suggest, (and I suggest) that we brought food allergies and cancer upon ourselves by stuffing our foods full of preservatives, coloring, chemical flavorings and taking out anything worthwhile. While that sounds quite dismal, it’s actually good news because it means that food allergies, (and hopefully) cancer can be avoided by eating and living right.

So let’s all make an effort to be a little more like a pirate by eating the foods we need to stay healthy.

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